Mayhem returns...

Yes believe it or not, it’s Mayhem back on the blog. I’ve been out of the loop for a while, what with being in Africa & all! I see Kaos has kept you somewhat up to date with the goings on out here... so yes we had an “interesting” flight over. The BA flight was incredible, what with having so much legroom i couldn’t reach the wall in front of me, and the steward intend on getting me drunk on free wine.

The stopover at Dar Es Salaam was... shit. Really hot, really boring, and not even a sodding chair to sit on, or anywhere to buy food beyond a packet of crisps.

Turns out there was a cafe upstairs... with food, and a fan, and seats. Fucksocks.

Nevermind.

Ok so my first week went pretty much without a hitch. The whole vomiting thing was blown out of proportion.... i wasn’t passed out on the toilet... i simply noticed that when i walked into the bathroom the room was moving quite a lot, so i put the lid down & sat on the lid of the loo till it stopped spinning. Sadly Kaos woke me up a short while later. Oops. I blame martin for encouraging me to drink!!

The next weekend was Safari... which Kaos has filled you all in on. Just to clarify... with the window open on the tent all we had between us and the lion should it choose to head our way was the mozzy net covering the window. I fear that although the tents are apparently “lionproof” i doubt the thin netting covering this 3ft square hole would stop a mouse, let alone a lion.

Anyway the safari was pretty incredible. Saw the big 5. The rhino was of course the big thing for me. One of the most rare creatures alive, and we saw 2! The leopard was cool, but it’s the shot i managed to catch of this beautiful cat in midair between branches which made the day for me.

Since safari it’s been a bit quieter. Working on a ward where life is cheap and the doctors don’t care if a patient is dying is hard. My job has gone from being helpful, to following the intern and trying to catch/correct his potentially fatal omissions and mistakes. Rewarding, but frustrating.

Well there were lots of things i need to catch up with, like someone trying to steal my airline ticket, and the guy who’s carved me a naked lady from ebony, but they’ll have to wait for now, Africa calls...

Adventure at the lakeside

Ok ladies and gents, our internet is back working again, hence providing you with several updates, and now, as promised in the last post – Adventure at the lakeside – be warned it’s a long one. As a brief aside, just a quick thanks to those of you who have previously left comments on the blog. They are appreciated and confirm/affirm that the overall tone, which during Mayhem's present absence has shifted to become more narrative than comedic, is still providing a source of interest/entertainment

Wow, that was amazing. The lake was a truly wonderful experience, there is so much to say, and all of it as wondrous as the next. So naturally I think the best place is to start at the beginning.

Lake Daluti takes a little bit of getting to, it requires a 30 minute walk along one of the main roads, to catch a Dala Dala mini bus for 20 mins to a stop near to my hospital. From there, a very enjoyable 3km walk down to the lake through the Arusha scrub. On the way we were treated to our trail passing through a farm that appeared to be growing a crop which would eventually become pepper corns. One of the disappointments was the lack of chameleons – we were told that it might be possible to see them – unfortunately the only two we saw were dead on the road, a real shame, as they were 5cm and the most vibrant shade of ultramarine I have ever seen.

As we drew closer to the lake we were greeted by the sounds of chanting and singing coming from a tribe which we had been told lived on the side of the lake. We paused for a brief rest and to simply enjoy the warm sounds coming from the edges of the lake. Continuing down through the woods which encircle the lake we came to the little bar on the lake side. Walking around the side of the building we got our first view of the lake. A beautiful jade expanse of water, bordered by steep hills and cliffs, densely wooded with equatorial forest.

Our time at the lake started with us simply stopping into the ramshackle bar, picking up three bottles of Fanta for 25p each and sitting in aged patio chairs, the white plastic discoloured to a tar stained yellow in the burning sun, and drinking in the view. We watched a small family, who had also managed to discover the lake, hire a dilapidated Canadian Canoe, and thought – that looks like the ticket for us.
While we waited for the family to return, we were treated to the site of a lizard, then type of which I have no idea, swimming across the edge of the lake and disappearing into the reeds. It swam in the same way as the Iguanas from BBC Natural World documentaries – its fore and hind limbs hanging limply by its side, while propelling itself forwards with its powerful tail. As the lizard disappeared into the reeds, a cacophony of noise broke forth from the sunfire yellow birds who had they delicate nests perched as if by magic on thin reeds, conscious of the danger that the lizard may pose their unhatched young

The little family returned to the dock and we exchanged our aged yellow chairs, for equally ancient chairs whose legs had been removed, allowing the passenger in the boat to sit with a few centimetres between their bottom and the thin, and damp, fibreglass hull. Myself and Carl, the other chap on the trip, Mayhem having taken the option of sun worshipping, instead of a big adventure, took up the oars fore and aft, and proceed to speed across the emerald water. Only pausing briefly near the centre of the lake, firstly to marvel that it had taken us 15 minutes hard rowing even to reach its centre, and then ponder how far the lake extended beneath us, and what creatures its fathoms might hold. I was almost expecting to feel some monster brush across the bottom of the boat at that point, but thankfully the only motion at that point was our passenger, Pipa, urging us to keep rowing.

We approached the other side of the lake, and began to turn the canoe. Our eyes alighting upon a isle situated in the far left of the lake which we had previously ignored. Our next goal acquired we set of at a clip to investigate this new land, or at least circumnavigate it.

As we approached the island, we realised that the island formed a narrow channel between the cliff walls and itself, and that it looked like navigating it would provide more than sufficient an adventure. After only a few moments of passing down the channel, we were out of sight of the main lake, and would have been hard pressed not to become confused with the tropically wooded cliffs and start believing we were in the Amazon. This feeling was amplified more as we had to slow the canoe to a crawl in order to navigate under the overhanging boughs of the massive trees. Their trunks dressed in suits of creepers, with similarly cascaded from their branches.
It various point we had to stow the oars in the boat and pull ourselves along using the branches of submerged trees. Skeletal branches reaching up from the depths to scratch along the hull of our little craft like spirits from the lake, inspecting this brightly coloured intruder. It was these moments, with the noise of our oars in the water removed, we could hear the calls, twitters and chirps of the animals and birds which lived, hidden in the dense foliage, only a couple of meters from our craft

After having completed our mini expedition around the island, giant smiles splitting our faces, we returned to paddling back towards the bar from which we had departed nearly an hour ago.

Back on land we ordered lunch of chicken and chips, and returned to enjoying bottles of Fanta on the lake side. When the food finally arrived, having taken 45mins, it coincided with the conspicuous disappearance of a couple of chickens which had previously roamed freely on the patchy brown grass around the bar. In spite of this potential Poultry-cide, it was surely the best chicken and chips I have ever had the pleasure of consuming, certainly this would have only been augmented by the ravenous appetite we have worked up while out on the lake, but the Colonel at a certain fast food restaurant could certainly take a couple of tips from the cook by the lake.
Our dinner polished off, we set back of, in search of the rickety Dala Dala which would take us most of the way home. Assured that our day had been spent very wisely, and that it is adventures like the “Amazonian” canoe trip around the island which are the experiences electives are made of!

TTFN
KAOS

Fun in the sun

28/03/08
A rest day today, people have largely done nothing today but worked on their tans. I have potted in the kitchen – a great culinary masterpiece was produced – Fish and chips from basic ingredients. How many fish and chip shops in the UK are likely to serve Nile Perch in bread crumbs and local herbs with chips made of red sweet potatoes? I’m pleased to report that the others thought it was quite a good meal as well – for later we have a dish, the complexity of its production can barely be put into words. Due to the complete inadequacy of the English language to verbalise the advanced and bizarre culinary skills used – skills which incidentally I had to beg for tutelage in from a local shamen – I will merely provide you with the dishes local name and let you marvel in your own time – Raspberry Jelly!

While it has broadly been a rest day today, that is not particularly my sort of thing, thus i decided to go for an explore – stupidly wearing my Crocs. I had walked maybe 30 paces from the house when a 4cm thorn pieced through the flimsy rubber sole and buried itself into my foot. Suffice to say I was pleased to be so close to our villa, and a bottle of antiseptic spray – my foot now an attractive iodine golden yellow I’m hoping it won’t drop off until i have completed my ascent of Mt. Meru next weekend, and Mt Kilimanjaro the following weekend.

There is a plan tomorrow to travel to the East, to a Lake Daluti which is situated a 3km south of my little hospital out in the sticks. We have been suggested to go there because of the distance it is from the usual tourist haunts and is thus still a fairly pristine lake. Certainly the reports from others who have undertaken the trek down to the lake have returned with stories of giant eels, and fish in the lake which can be seen from the canoes which you can pilot across the lakes depths. Certainly it will be an interesting experience to see Africa where the tourists are not prevalent, for to some degree it has felt that a lot of the things we have seen have been to a large degree “put on” for the benefit of the white man

I’ll comment about it later

Fun in the sun

28/03/08
A rest day today, people have largely done nothing today but worked on their tans. I have potted in the kitchen – a great culinary masterpiece was produced – Fish and chips from basic ingredients. How many fish and chip shops in the UK are likely to serve Nile Perch in bread crumbs and local herbs with chips made of red sweet potatoes? I’m pleased to report that the others thought it was quite a good meal as well – for later we have a dish, the complexity of its production can barely be put into words. Due to the complete inadequacy of the English language to verbalise the advanced and bizarre culinary skills used – skills which incidentally I had to beg for tutelage in from a local shamen – I will merely provide you with the dishes local name and let you marvel in your own time – Raspberry Jelly!

While it has broadly been a rest day today, that is not particularly my sort of thing, thus i decided to go for an explore – stupidly wearing my Crocs. I had walked maybe 30 paces from the house when a 4cm thorn pieced through the flimsy rubber sole and buried itself into my foot. Suffice to say I was pleased to be so close to our villa, and a bottle of antiseptic spray – my foot now an attractive iodine golden yellow I’m hoping it won’t drop off until i have completed my ascent of Mt. Meru next weekend, and Mt Kilimanjaro the following weekend.

There is a plan tomorrow to travel to the East, to a Lake Daluti which is situated a 3km south of my little hospital out in the sticks. We have been suggested to go there because of the distance it is from the usual tourist haunts and is thus still a fairly pristine lake. Certainly the reports from others who have undertaken the trek down to the lake have returned with stories of giant eels, and fish in the lake which can be seen from the canoes which you can pilot across the lakes depths. Certainly it will be an interesting experience to see Africa where the tourists are not prevalent, for to some degree it has felt that a lot of the things we have seen have been to a large degree “put on” for the benefit of the white man

I’ll comment about it later

Africa is SOOOOO annoying at times

27/03/08
Right that’s it I’ve had enough! No i don’t want to buy your trinkets, Yes I am going to the post office but no I don’t want your help finding it, I am NOT GERMAN and don’t want to buy your newspaper even if “good price, nice price for you mister sir!” AND IF ONE MORE PERSON YELLS “MUZUNGU” AS I WALK PAST... let’s just say its the last thing he will yell.

To be fair when we arrived there was a novelty of being the “White man” and people wanting to have pictures with us, shake our hands and touch our hair. The shine was always slightly reduced as it transpired that at least 75% of these people being welcoming, were only being so as the “White man is rich” and wanted us to buy their tacky bracelet made of coffee beans.
That said, you become so used to responding to anyone with “hapana asantai” (no thank you), that unfortunately this automatic response has meant I have actually missed the opportunity to buy really great pictures.

Maybe it’s a British thing, but if I’m looking for something, then it is that something I am after and not for example a rhino made of old bottle tops – a commendable achievement in its own right, but by pushing it repeatedly in my face with the accompanying “Good price for you mista my friend” is certainly not going to increase any desire I have to buy it. It is the Maasi market where this is worst, there are probably 100 little stores at the market, each box, rather than shop, measures a bijou 2x3x4m, allowing you to quickly take in everything in the shop, but still they drive you hard to get you into their shop – and they are even worse if you attempt to walk buy without looking in their cramped store

However, it has to be said that the remaining 25% of people who come up to us on the street are genuine, and merely want to say hello, ask how we are, even if it is only as a chance to practice their English with the Muzungo

All of that said, Mayhem has come up with a great idea for a t-shirt - I was going to write about the idea he has had, however I have just been told that it is essentially a military secret and that it can only be disclosed when we have actually returned – each to their own and he is the head designer so fair enough.

OK we now have a day consisting of eating cake – FINALLY, swimming in the nearby pool and getting our cut price suits adjusted - £30 for a 120 thread pin stripped 3 piece suit – I LOVE Africa – ok I love it when I’m going to the store and not being hassled but still I LOVE AFRICA!

Safari day 4 - end of the journey

Well just a quick wrap up of the safari, as I seem to be taking FAR to long to complete this story, and then at least I can try to return to current events, of which there have been plenty.

The descent into the crater was via a long winding dirt track which zigzagged the 2000ft to the craters floor. This gave us terrific panoramic views across the crater, with the herds of buffalo and zebra looking like tiny ants moving in time with one another.

Upon reaching the broad savannah covered floor, it was only moments before we came across a queue of traffic – A QUEUE, in the Ngorogoro crater, in the words of the oft quoted Victor Meldrew – “I DONT BELIEVE IT!” However we were really pleased to have found the delay, the other vehicles had stopped to look at a small yellow and brown dot on a small hillock – picking up the binoculars that spot was a Cheetah! Not only were we thrilled to see it for its own sake, but we had been quite despondent after the guide had told us we would not have chance to see this particular feline again as they don’t go into the Ngorogoro – thankfully he was very wrong!

After waiting for a while the Cheetah appeared to get bored of Mayhem sending off what sounded like 50,000 shots, rose to its feet and trotted off towards a group of wildebeest in the distance, possibly in the hopes of finding lunch.

The rest of the Safari took in great swathes of flamingos, vibrant pink against the blue sky (although I am colour-blind I know that a flamingo is pink before you comment Mayhem (mind you that said with Mayhem’s frequency of posting he could be dead by know, he head held like a glorious trophy in one of the girls bedrooms after pushing boundaries too far – either way no one would be the wiser!)

One of the girls came up with a tremendous way of taking photos through the large binoculars provided by the guide. I managed to use the same system to take some great pictures of the afore mentioned flamingos, and then bizarrely after having mastered the technique, much to my annoyance, I forgot it just as soon. Something I was to regret when we saw our first black rhinos

We were lucky enough to see three of the granite coloured beasts, quite a score card when there are thought to be only between 70-200 remaining in the wild.

Our safari ended with a lunch in the swamp – not as bad as might have been expected, apart from constant dive booming attacks from the nearby kites. The size of the birds, and speed with which they would stoop was more than sufficient to send people running for cover, resulting in the remainder of our meal being completed in the confines of our 4x4

After having finished our final meal of carrot and cheese sandwiches – bizarre, but that is what the cook provided us with – a peal of thunder rolled around the crater and signalled the end of our safari.

Safari day 3

Our camp is divided into four tents, one of the guide and cook, two for the girls, and in spite of Mayhem’s suggestion to bunk up together with the girls for warmth and own protection, a separate tent for the guys

We rose at 6am, all quite bleary eyed due to spending too much of the previous night excited and marvelling at the various noises floating through the Savannah night, to a breakfast of tea biscuits and hot chocolate before setting off for an early morning safari.

Certainly for myself the highlight of that day was seeing a hippo, which must have certainly been morbidly obese, waddling across the savannah and crossing the road right in front of our vehicle before sliding into its muddy pool to cool off.

Although I personally considered the hippo to be the highlight of the day, possibly due to their odd image and body, another sight which must certainly rank as one of the more unexpected sights was that of two mating lions. Certainly this event took up a huge amount of space on Mayhems memory card, his camera managing 6 frames a second, sufficient that he was able to display for the girls, at length, essentially a movie of the event – combined with his own unique commentary

This romantic tryst between the lions sealed an overall theme for one of Mayhems photography portfolios, apparently focusing exclusively upon pictures of animal’s bottoms and the genitalia – including various episodes of monkeys interfering with themselves much to the elation of the girls. This certainly prove to provide a stark contrast to his other portfolios of truly artistic wild life shots, fashion/catalogue photograph sessions with the girls against a magnificent African sunrise, and Oakley pseudo-promotional photographs of both of ourselves “Looking good even in the brightness of an early morning sunrise”. The next question is can he manage to convince them that a swimsuit photo session is a good idea? - Doubtful

We survived the day with only a few minor lurches towards the vehicles grab handles, not that the vehicle became truly unsteady again, but that our confidence was still sorely bruised, and frankly did not recover for the remainder of the trip

We arrived at the Ngorogororororo crater (that’s a terrible word, its like Banana, it never ends), where we were to pitch camp that evening. We arrived for about 5pm, just as the sun was beginning its descent towards the horizon, providing us with sufficient light to see the crater spread out below us. While the lions the previous night had provided an exciting night in the tents, certainly this view was far far superior, especially with the giant African tree sitting in the middle of the camp which we loosely grouped our tents around.

On this site, there were two toilets, one near to the tents, but frankly quite grotty, and newly built toilet blocks on the far side of the camp, separated from the main camp by a small field. It was that field that was to provide the most fun that night. We were advised to pay attention to noises that night around our tents, as it was quite likely that we would have wild pigs entering that camp, and for that reason we should ensure that all our tents were secured, that there was no food left in the tents and no shoes etc left outside. Shortly after we had been given this warning, as we sat around our dining table under the stars, a dark shape shot between the tents signalling the first pig to enter the camp – and associated with much girls screaming – mainly from Mayhem!

The anxiety level was raised amongst the girls during walks to the toilet, were torches were used to scan into the darkness, not to find our way – for the toilet block provided a sufficient beacon to aim for – but to locate eyes glinting back in the darkness, which we would then endeavour to give a wide birth. Our final journey to the toilets that night was cut short by a pair of eyes about 20ft away, close enough to show the outline of a large animal, which the girls were convinced was a lion, however our guide reassured them that it was most probably a buffalo, but that they themselves are quite dangerous, and that we should be wary during the night of any other trips to the loo – this was reinforced by a disclosure that the camp, unlike the previous night had guards, ARMED guards. Now the previous night we slept out with lions, and there were no armed guards, so this admission did really make us wonder what might be lurking in the forest fringes around the edge of the camp.

Again we arouse early in the morning, just as dawn was breaking, even before sunrise. This gave us the chance to properly wake, and get breakfast underway before witnessing the most magnificent sunrise to date. At least a third of the camp seemed to be sitting out on the slopes, cameras in hand, filming the sun as it climbed from a golden sliver to a burnished disc of fire rising above the crater, casting a magnificent early morning light across the camp, providing the impetus for Mayhem’s morning catalogue shoot. Certainly on return to our house in Arusha, the girls general, low level displeasure at Mayhem’s constant photography of them, waned as they crowded round to see on his computer how flattering a picture he had been able to take in that morning light.

After Mayhem had finished his shoot, the camp was broken and we set of for the final day of Safari. No longer would we be scouting around the edge of the crater, and viewing it at a distance, but actually descending the steep 2000ft walls into the crater itself.

Lions and elephants

ROAR
“What was that?”
ROAR
“That!”
Scream from the girl’s tent on our right
“Girls did you hear that?”
“YES IT WAS LIONS!”
“COOL!”
“NO ITS NOOOT!”

Yes that night was a fun one. As mentioned we saw lions just outside of our camp that evening, and continued to joke about the possibility of lions and other things coming into the camp while eating dinner. Dinner was served in a little hut, but, that little hut was surrounded on all sides by a strong metal cage (slightly thought provoking to be sure) especially when the guide calmly replied that it has been 10 years since a lion BROKE INTO a tent – but that we were not to worry as the canvas was lion proof (now thoroughly reassured – wibble!)

So after a communal trip to the toilets, we all settled down for the night, ok we all tried to sleep. Ok we all went into out tents to listen intently to the noises of the night. Yes the first noise was roaring. It sounded like there we several animals roaring together, I have no idea how far away they were, but never the less, it was an amazing experience. I really expected to wake up in the morning and find that Virginia MacKenna was in the camp for breakfast the sounds outside of our camp were so Born Free.

Unfortunately the roaring didn’t last long, but the smiles on Mayhem’s and my own face were enough to make our heads fall in half. Then we heard a crack!

Fear, terror, abject sense of self perseveration, whatever, we both frozen. The cracking and rustling continued, this time not from some far flung corner of the Serengetti with the noise coming into camp on the wind, but very much from the edge of camp, in fact I was sure that I could see the offending tree through our mesh window. We both looked at one another and whispered excitedly together “ELEPHANTS”
Yes that night we had elephants walking through our camp! We could not see any of the offending pachyderms, but we sure could hear them!

There was no suggestion that lions actually entered our camp that night, but it was certainly the most exhilarating night of my life under canvas!

Safari day 2

HI Ladies and Germs, here is the next post, its a long one, but then there was a lot happened.

Well after the previous night listening to the fauna of Africa, burp, squeak, chirp and fart outside our tents, the group awoke, bleary eyed to start the journey to the Serengeti. Our ride up from the Lake was very pleasant, travelling on roads which would make Europe envious, including some winding mountain roads that would not have looked out of place in a Lamborghini advert with a Dean Martin soundtrack over the top

The picturesque drive was brought back to reality however by coming across an upturned lorry by the side of one of the more sharp corners. Thankfully it was the site of an old accident, but even so, it had not been cleared away, leaving the locals to pick over the remains of the truck

In order to cross into the Serengeti, you take in the Ngorogoro crater rim. We paused at the National Park boundary to gaze into the distance, marvelling at how the mass herds of Wildebeest and Zebra looked like ants moving across the plains in the centre of the crater. As our guide was sorting our park fees for both reserves, we disembarked to look around at the edges of the crater and take pictures.

Around the buildings of the park boundary live various families of Baboons which seem to be largely indifferent to the presence of modified 4x4’s travelling past all day, work men erecting new buildings, the road being resurfaced and a plethora of other intrusions in their lives, instead seeming content to carry on regardless, grooming themselves on the sides of the road and generally treating humanity with a great degree of indifference – until Mayhem arrived...

In pursuit of that perfect picture Mayhem nearly lost his head to a Baboon due to sticking his camera into its babies face, it turns out that the mother baboons are quite anti paparazzi. It is a true shame that my camera was a booting up when the accident happened, as it was as entertaining as it was scary – well scary for him anyway, everyone else nearly burst laughing – we are a very caring group!

Following this little run in with the wild life – Mayhem was a little more careful about where he tried to stick his lens

The journey to the Serengeti was, by no means, easy or pleasant. Our vehicle has old fashioned leaf-springs as its suspension, and while they may be as tough as old boots, and thus are more than suited to the abuse they receive here in Africa, they also have the cushioning effect of old boots. SO only after about 5 minutes of the tarmac petering out, we had all developed Vibration White Bottom, which after 3 hours we were more than sick of. In spite of the steady destruction of our derrieres, the journey in itself, although not one I’d like to repeat was incredible. At one point the landscape looked as though we had taken a wrong turn and ended up in Scotland – apart from the brightly coloured Masaai tribesmen walking by the sides of the road.

The transition point from the Ngorogoro national park to the Serengeti appears bizarrely in the middle of the plain. After having descended from the Highlands, we began to drive across the featureless plains, no signs of life, water or inhabitation, just dull brown grass as far as the eye can see, and then rising up out of nowhere is a gate way surrounded by two trees marking the boundary. Nothing surrounding it, no signs of habitation, just a giant gate surrounded by a barren expanse. We disembarked briefly to take to obligatory photos and massage some life into our bottoms before carrying onwards.

While the gateway appeared to be merely symbolic, within 10minutes of passing through animals began appearing, apparently subsisting on fresh air, but there they were. Zebra, antelope and the odd Wildebeest.

Further travelling brought us to a wooded outcrop, reminiscent of Pride Rock from the Lion King, and as we pulled up into the car park the heavens, which had been brooding since we passed through the park gate. Opened they did with an ear splitting peel of thunder, true Africa rain it certainly was. The force of each drop blowing up little puffs of dust like shells hitting the ground, and as the standing water built up, along with the rains intensity bouncing almost as high as it fell. We sheltered under a corrugated iron structure to eat our lunch – refusing to get back into the vehicle until absolutely necessary. The rain abated as quickly as it began, leaving a fresh smell to the plains and giving myself and two of the girls the chance to follow a path to the top of our Pride Rock. From the top, you could see how much of an island in the plains we had found, and then we were treated to a fantastic sight – A herd of elephants walked out of the forest at the base of the rocks – even though we were at least half a mile away, you could not miss the Bull elephant leading the group. His huge tusks and great ragged ears speaking volumes about his life, then he treated us to an ear-splitting trumpet, sufficient to freeze the blood and seal this forever as one of the luckiest moments of my life.

We watched the elephant’s mill around on the edge of the woods, until they returned to their homes, and we descended back down the hill to companions to continue our drive to our campsite in the heart of the park.

The rain had made the going much easier than before, and the giant dust cloud that had dogged our journey since the last stretch of tarmac had been replaced by a continual spray of terracotta brown.
We were again driving through animals either side of us, dotting out into the distance, with the plains now broken by rocky outcrops, and increasingly more commonly, shade providing trees.

As the land became more lush and green, our guide ground to a halt 100m from a group of trees, and turned before frantically asking for a pair of binoculars. In the tree opposite sat our first big cat, camouflaged against the dappled shade of the tree was a leopard. Mayhem was already on his feet, bursts of shots coming from his camera, the cats every move frozen, and much to his joy, the cat leapt from the bough giving him his much desired “mid-air” shot. Upon hitting the floor the leopard disappeared from our view and our journey continued.

Our track was becoming muddier, with our vehicle travelling down two ruts now, rather than the dirt track which had previously held us. However our vehicle was the first to travel the track since the rain, and occasionally there would be a slight shudder and wriggle from the back wheels as they lost traction. Moments later the back wheels locked, the vehicle began to turn, with the back of the car coming to slide to the front. The driver tried to contain the skid, first turning into the skid, and then having the wheel flick back against him as the front wheels came out of the wheel ruts and ran out to the plain. At that moment the vehicle tipped onto its two side wheels, the ground coming sickenly into view, before the car landing back on all four wheels, right side up, much to the relief of its now shaken passengers. The driver then got out and engaged the four wheel drive system. Suffice to say our confidence in him never recovered, every minor roll sending us running for the grab rails.

Later we passed a sign indicating our camp was 500m further up the track, and just shortly after the driver stopped the car, and only 10m from the car lay a lioness. Certainly this was an impressive end to a journey.

We struck camp as dust was falling, and it was only over the evening meal was the point raised that our camp was in the middle of nowhere, with no gates, walls or fences, and only 500m from our camp had we seen lions. This was going to be a very exhilarating night’s sleep....

Safari day 1

I think it is now an academic fact that this blog is going to run between 2-4 days behind life here in Africa, so lets try and do the Safaris a day at a time

Well Safari was EXCELLENT. Just a couple of high-lights as an introduction; we all saw the animals which we wanted to see, Mayhem nearly lost his face to a Baboon due to sticking his camera into the mother’s baby’s face, and the night sky in the Serengeti was so bright that I’m not sure mere words will be able to describe it – but naturally I will try

Our Safari (Swahili for journey for those of interest) started at 8am on Saturday, being picked up from our house here in Arusha by a modified Toyota Landcrusier. The car is itself quite an oddity, as far as I am aware this particular design has not been used in the UK for at least 10 years, however it seems that this model is still made in Africa, and there seem to be hundreds of them on the roads.
In terms of modifications, the top appears to have been chopped off and the back extended, the structural integrity being maintained (?!) by the extension being a solid metal box welded to the chassis but with an extendible roof, and in order to hide the joins, the entirety of the inside is coated with what almost appears to be a textured gloss paint, not dissimilar from Artex. Although I believe that the giant cracks in the windows are an optional extra

Our collection was followed by a 2 hr drive to the first National Park – Lake Manyara. Within 2 minutes of entering the park, we saw our first Baboons. The pictures of which Mayhem managed to take are magnificent – particularly those of the mother and baby, however, he has also managed to inter-space these pictures with equally disturbing sequence of pictures of the baboons interfering with themselves, and copious shots of monkey genitalia – as my sister is fond of saying “whatever floats your boat!”
- It would also transpire that Safari genitalia would become an increasingly large proportion of Mayhem’s photography portfolio.

Other sights within the park were mainly giraffes, hippos and elephants. The first spotting of an elephant was a lone mother in the jungle, at distance, with her calf, which got the entire vehicle very excited – how much would this pale into insignificance at some of the experiences we were yet to encounter. Herds of Giraffes seem to live along the lake edge, which when viewed from a distance, against the green wooded slopes of the valley in which the lake sits, look exceedingly like long distance shots of dinosaurs seen in Jurassic Park. When we reached these animals at close quarters they appeared largely unphased by our noisy ride, in fact seeming to be content to assume positions which frankly seemed to be suggesting that they were posing for the camera, this proved to be true even for a rare forest giraffe, distinguished from its brethren by a coat comprised of deep browns and blacks, appearing in contrast to the plains animals seen earlier in the day,

As we finished that day’s safari, the park had saved the best till last as it were. Even though we were getting tired from the heat, at 5pm one of the girls yelled to stop the jeep, thinking she saw an elephant. The vehicle came to a stop and slowly travelled backwards, but nothing could immediately be seen. Then with a rustling, a lone elephant pushed through the jungle, and began feeding from a tree not 15metres from our vehicle. A Natural World documentary style hush and whispers instantly descended on the vehicle. Much to our further amazement, this animal was merely the vanguard for a herd of approximately 12 individuals, including their infants, all entering the clearing and feeding. After taking their fill the animals proceeded the cross the road within 5 meters of our car and heading back into the jungle from whence they came (that phrase added specifically to please Mayhem). For up to a minute after these animals had left us; we continued to whisper to one another, through faces split with smiles.

In spite of Lake Manyara being a shallow fresh water lake, as the evening drew on, a sulphurous smell rose up from the lake, vaguely reminiscent of rotten eggs, fish and an after smell of flatulence (but that said, by this time of our trip several members of the groups bowel’s have been acting up shall we say, and thus the flatulence might not be fairly blamed on then lake!)
Our campsite for that evening was a walled in site, all very secure and at least 15mins drive from the park entrance, sufficient that no one even considered the possibility of having that natural fauna of the area come to visit night. Although we were kept awake at the start of the night by the cacophony of noise from the various frogs and insects in the woods around the camp. Certainly the following nights in the more remote sites, would prove to be much more stimulating...

More safari adventures tomorrow!

Wash day blues

OK final post of the day!

I'm presently sitting in an internet cafe in the Impala Hotel - the airconditioning is quite pleasant, although I must confess to having very little energy this afternoon. I have been for quite a walk today. coupled with as the title suggests - ahd wash day - NO i dont mean its that day of the year where I have decided to actually ahve a shower, but that my clothes have run out, and thus needed to be refreshed

Heck my time has run out so UI'll ave to say cherrio


i'll post after teh safari, so either tuesday or wednesday

TTFN

Kaos

The Morning after the Night Before

Last night was certainly one for the books, good BBQ, great banter, a few slightly unfortunate drinking games, followed by a trip to a night club (which naturally I enjoyed massively, thoroughly got involved, and danced with such grace and style as to put the guy from Footloose to shame – sorry i think my sarcasm button might get stuck ALOT during this post)

So to start at the beginning, the BBQ was prepared by our champion cook Witness, who did us proud – Chips, pork, pizza, sausages, nutty things, some folded things (possibly of Chinese origin) and little deep fried bits of non-descript fish – all in all a jolly good feed.

This was followed by plenty of banter, which was really enjoyable – it’s great how after only a few days we all seem to get on so well, even Mayhem has found his niche
Unfortunately the drinking games which followed showed two vital flaws in myself – i) my dislike of alcohol generally, and ii) a fairly poor hand-eye coordination which it comes to attempting to flip a cup up on its end. Suffice to say that the embarrassment was acute.

Mayhem is presently attempting to educate the house mates (makes it seem like the Big Brother House) with regard to his photography, so that they will begin to tolerate his omni-present camera. Credit where credit is due the FINAL pictures he takes are magnificent. That said I don’t think he is going to be able to convince the girls to accept his constant pointing the camera at them, even if he is able to make them look like models

The BBQ was wrapped up by about 11pm whereupon we departed for a local night club Via Via for an FMP, a Full Moon Party, what with there being a tremendous full moon, combined with any excuse for a party.

The actual night club was outside, in order to display the full moon, although I think that the night club is usually outside not that they removed the roof especially for the party – either way the venue was very cool.

I returned to the house slightly earlier than Mayhem, which allowed me a first hand seat, (or bed to be specific) for the carnage when he returned. Mayhem crashed into the house at about 0350, which he followed shortly afterwards by walking into the toilet door, before some deeply inebriated part of his brain stirred sufficiently to be able to comprehend how to operate a door handle. At this point I turned over and was immediately asleep again. At 0830 when our alarm when off, I blearily looked out from under my mosquito net to find the door to our room wide open and similarly the bathroom door. Surprised at his apparent early morning rise, I cursed Mayhem for having left the front door open while I slept and I dragged myself from my bed towards the bathroom door. Full consciousness hit me with a start upon walking into the bathroom to find Mayhem asleep on the toilet – thankfully with his trousers still in place. It appeared that after finally negotiating the bathroom door, he had vomited into the sink, sat down on the toilet lid and passed out.
I paused sufficiently to check he was still breathing before turning on my heel to find a different toilet, which would hopefully not also contain a sleeping body.

When I returned I thought it better to rouse Mayhem and redirected him towards his bed which he is still inhabiting at 1150. To be fair he did rise for a short period at 1000, largely in order to complain about his headache, and that he apparently felt like death warmed up, before muttering under his breath that his present state was due to anyone but himself, still muttering he returned to collapse back into the bedroom.

As for the remainder of the day myself –its wash day, which should be fun – as washing here has to be done by hand, in a large plastic bowel at the rear of our house. I’m sure there will be a comment of two later!

TTFN Kaos

Psycho in Africa

HI all again sorry that our posting has been slightly sporadic, however the walk into town takes at least 40mins, and while I understand the needs of the audience, I’m sure that you will appreciate the dust and the heat is a major factor in only posting every few days – however in order to make sure that the posts keep flowing I am now writing the posts on my laptop, and then every few days traipsing down to the internet cafe to place a massive post – hence the delays.

Tomorrow, we have a day off (YAY!), which is normally used for revision – one of the medics has loaned me a text which high-lights greatly the short-comings of Kumar and Clark, to say the least I will be acquiring a copy on my return – with that in mind I will attempt to place another post that day (which is now actually today) because over the sat, sun, mon and tues we are going on a Safari to the Serengeti, Ngorogoro crater, and Arusha national parks, with the hopes of seeing the Big Five game animals. During that time I’ll take the laptop along so that I will still be able to give a large post when I return.

As for today in the hospital, our first true day working, we had quite an *interesting* day – to begin with there was a visiting American Ophthalmic surgeon who was running a charity clinic in the area, looking for patients with cataracts, whom he could take to the nearby large hospital where they have more advanced equipment. The surgeon however turned out to be a significant learning opportunity, as we had a lady on the labour ward with significant proptosis and exopthalmos, (for those of a none medical background, that is her eye was bulging out of her head by about 5cmx5cm overwhich she was unable to close her eye-lid) as wel as this obvious problem there was a constant watering of her eye

Initially I had not seen this case, although from the description given by the medical students who had viewed it in person, I initially thought it might have been a retinoblastoma – a cancer starting on the back of the eye. However when I finally saw the woman, this could not be the case as she had had the problem for 8 years (the problem was only picked up due to her coming into the hospital for a caesarian section) and there did not appear to by any great destruction of the eye. The surgeon presumed that it was a tumour of the lacrimal gland – which also explained the watering of the eye.

He commented that if the patient was stable he may be able to convince the surgeons at the larger hospital to operate to remove the eye the following day - although with the caveat that he does not know whether the mass would be malignant or benign. His urgency in suggesting the following day was due to the fact that i) as said he did not know if it was malignany or not, and ii) the continal inability to close her eyelids puts the eyeball at a very high risk of infection

On return to my own ward, one of our patients, who has a history of Marijuana abuse had a psychotic episode, pulling down his mosquito net and using the screw previously attached to the ceiling proceeded to shred both the net and the rest of the bed – including mattress

The response to this was for everyone to stand around looking worried for 10 minutes, the collective opinion being – “he’s got a screw and now trying to cut his arm, I’m going nowhere near him!”
The consultant in the hospital opted to bring in five random people from the street to attempt to restrain the guy, although I have been suggested that these people were actually family memebers now - as here the family play a considerable role in the care of the patient, inclufing cookng for them, bringng them water, and generally looking after them in a way that the Tanzania health services cannot provide for. The men managed to wrestl the man to be bed – only managing to inject Chlorpromazine – an antipsychotic, which appear to have all the effect of trying to fly by flapping your arms repeatedly, as he threw off his captors and swung for them before returned to reducing his mattress to a collection of little foam lumps.

As he swung out at the men from the street, the entire medical staff leapt from the ward, followed by one of the other medical students, commenting "If the natives are running, so am I!".

Having steeled ourselves in the entrance to the ward, we cautiously returned to the where the man was now trying to score his arms. At that image, before he could draw blood, three of the men grabbled his limbs as I forced him bodily into the bed, holding his arm around the bed post to prevent him moving.

One of the nurses, then with glacial slowness, drew a syringe and slowly approached, in spite of my protestations to get her to hurry up – the man in question being somewhat annoyed at having a white medical student compressing his lungs, and holding his arm in full extension to allow for access to his veins. The nurse finally realised that the situation was not one you would want to be in for a protracted period of time and injected 10ml of Diazempan – which successfully knocked the man out – however not before reaching out from his bed with a shaking hand, in the true style of “not dead yet...” thankfully this was his final act as the drugs took hold and he passed out – a state I acutely wanted him to remain in and required continual affirmation of by my constant over the shoulder glances.

We have now booked and arranged our Safari, acting as a significant example of African bartering, successfully getting a 4 day tour for $40 more than a 3 day tour, rather than the original $80 difference. Something we are all looking forward to embarking upon is this true African adventure, as the Safari we will be using will have tents rather than lodges, which will allow us hopefully more flexibility to where we can travel

Everyone is now beginning to chatter about potential sighting and photographs of a life time – especially Mayhem, who has spent several hours playing with his new lens, and “papping” the women in our group, along with every other living or moving creature. However credit where credit is due, some of the portrait pictures he has managed to get both of the girls and myself, are of exceptionally high quality.

Incidentally Mayhem asked me to convey that he is still alive, although he is not feeling up to walking into town in order to leave a post.

On that note I’ll save this file on head to town

TTFN
Kaos

Africa First day

11/03/08
Had our first day on placement today, and let me just clarify, scrubs and a white coat at the equator does not make for a cool morning at a hospital. In order to actually get to the hospital we had to walk for 30mins to the main road and then travel by Dala Dala to the actual hospital. The Dala Dalas are little minibuses able to hold about 14 people according to the very packed seats, although it is quite normal for 20 people to be shoe-horned into the cramped confines.

Upon arriving at the hospital, we were given a mornings introduction, basically walking around the place, being shown the male ward, while being informed that this is where the male patients are kept – frankly I was stunned - and other apparently obvious information. The trip also involved taking in the operating theatre which looked like a normal room, differing only by having two extra lights in the ceiling. Of all the differences between the West and the African operating theatres, I was not expecting to find fixed lighting in operating theatres, the general conditions in the hospitals yes, but mobile lighting was available during the Korean war if not before, I was however, reassured to see the pile of operating room wellingtons filled with disinfectant outside.

On returning from the hospital, the walk back to the house was made all the more gruelling by the continual passing of enormous trucks on the road, blowing clouds of fine dust everywhere which subsequently coat every inch of skin. In order to break up the trek, we stopped in at the Impala Hotel for ice-cream – amazingly they did good strawberry ice-cream, which I hold to be one of the hardest ice-cream flavours to get right.

As for Mayhem during this time, he has been stationed at a much closer hospital, which contains a surgical ward. Even with the hospital being closer, as is Mayhem’s usual way, he managed to return from the hospital as soon as humanly possible. We are both beginning to be able to tolerate the heat, although he is still very vocal in his complaints from underneath of his mosquito net.

The housemates we have met here are really great people, there seems to be a slight division in the house between the “newbies” who have just arrived, and the “oldies” although generally we all get on very well. We have seven medics in the house, including Mayhem and myself, and there are a plethora of nurses, there is plenty of banter, and areas to actually learn from one another.

That said at the moment there is one of the nurses has a red mark tracking up her arm from a mosquito bite which we are presently watching – we’re hoping that it is nothing serious, although Mayhem has already offer to amputate the arm should the need arise.

On that note i’m going to stop being anti-social and return to playing beach volley ball, on the balcony, in the absence of a net, and with a bundled hammock being used as the ball!!

TTFN

Kaos

Better late than never!

Here is the afore promised flight blog - a little delayed but here it is, please try and picture a subdued cabin, the lights turned off, but for a few people reading or using laptops under their personal lights. The sound of the jets roar is punctuated by the sounds of obstructive snores:

Ok its 2322 in UK and 0222 in Tanzania
Mayhem has been attempting to sleep for the last 20 mins, in that time he has summarily failed. He has complained that the no smoking sign is shining through his sleep mask, then while ferreting in his bag he managed to rip his finger nail from a previous injury – queue much swearing and cursing, which i managed to sufficiently suppress. He is now looking at me quite bizarrely as he is attempting to staunch the flow of blood by sucking his left thumb.

Ok its now 5 mins later the Great Cleaving of the nail as it is from hence forth to be referred and he appears to have just had a fit, or so the faces and general sounds of discomfort would suggest – however it transpires he actually had a searing cramp in his thigh – or possibly in another part of his anatomy, which I don’t want to consider, looking at the dance his is doing in the isle.

After hopping around in the aisle he found himself unable to resist his kleptomaniac urges and set forth on a thieving trip into the World Traveller Plus section. Returning like some pillaging Viking he held high his prize of luxury head phones, eye mask and, much to his overwhelming delight, a set of ear plugs
- He has just chimed up that he would have rather had a true Viking raid, with the trophy of a kicking and screaming stewardess – although I hurriedly pointed out that her protestations may arouse the attention of the other cabin crew, who i believe are inclined to look after their own at this altitude!

So far this flight could not have been better; the service we have received has been truly magnificent. The staff have been warm and friendly and Chris has nearly managed to drink his own weight in G&Ts. One of the things we have found to be most amusing/entertaining – apart from the cavernous leg room – I can actually stretch full length before I touch the bulkhead with my feet and we don’t seem to get bored of just waggling our legs in space and laughing simply because we can, is the little televisions we have that fold out from our seats.
These little touch screens allows us to bring up what appears to be a Flash programme providing information on our flight. Looking at the screen we are presently over the Libyan Desert, heading on a bearing to Addis Abba, at an airspeed of 562mph, with 2056 miles and 3.55 hrs remaining in the air.
It’s only a little screen, and they are only simply changing statistics, but while we have both been kept entertained watching TV and generally predicting what Africa will hold for us, it has been the watching of our little airplane gradually move across the map and descend across the dark continent that has provided the most conversation. It must be the Geeks within which have kept us so enthralled with these little changing numbers – or maybe it is the general excitement as we head into the unknown – I’m sure you will all have your own opinions

We are seated in the middle of the plane, unfortunately we don’t have a windows seat, but from what I can make out from the little hatch over the emergency exit, there are clear stars above us, and darkness, indicating the desert below, and absolutely no sign of human habitation.

On that nocturnal note I think I’ll close my laptop and attempt to encourage the sandman to deliver me a little sleep which Mayhem seems to have received since I began typing, and given our present location, I would have hoped he wouldn’t have far to travel – we are only 35,000ft way afterall!

TTFN

Kaos

AFRICA!!

Well we made it, after 36hrs of traveling we arrived in arrived in Arusha yesterday. presently I'm sitting in a internet cafe at a very pleasant 28deg C. There is a post written the plane, unfortunately I don't have my memory stick with me today, so that will have to be uploaded tomorrow.

We had as 7 hr wait at Dar Saleem before we were about to catch our connection to Kilimanjaro, during which time we stored our big bags, and took our day packs to the city - probably the main event there was travelling round the fish market - nothing like anything you see in the UK or US. Noise, colours, giant fish, all coming off little sail boats sitting out in the harbour. Although we had deposited our big bags, we still had our days packs, coming in at about 10kg each, and then our camera kit, making walking round quite difficult. The sweat sweat wads actually dripping off us - the panama was coming in quite useful in order to keep the sun off and sweat out of the eyes- even Mayhem conceded it was actually a good idea.

We then stumbled out of the heat at 9:30am to a bar, where Mayhem had his first Kilimanjaro beer - which was quickly followed by me running through a series of alcohol abuse questions - for those of you not of a medical background one of those questions is "Do you ever require a morning eye opener" which at that point in the morning was quite appropriate of course. As for myself, having not been able to find my life giving Fanta yet settled for Cola

As for Africa itself - Dar Saleem was HOT and that is coming from someone who is happy at 35deg C. Mayhem has been very vocal about the heat as our video diary can atest. As for Arusha, its warm, but there is a constant light breeze which is helping us to survive as we walk around

The view from the balcony's in house are amazing. We can see three peaks, one of which is Mt Meru - a 3 day climb, and two smaller peaks I havn't found the name of, but they look like more day trip size. The gardens of our house have mangoes and avocados growing in the grounds.

Its a really great house, beautiful inside, lots of dark wood and white walls and very cool. The windows are barred but with a fine mesh rather than glass, allowing a constant breeze to pass through.

On our tour today we were shown the dead Centre of Africa - a clock tower in the middle of Arusha, from this joint it is equal distance North and South.

Mayhem has just popped up behind me and told me to say hi to the world.

Right we are off to change some money now and look at the prices of climbing Kili and Safari's,

TTFN

Kaos

Tick Tock

Right well I'm packed and ready to go, and boy was that a difficult task. I had been trying half heartedly to pack on thursday evening, but decided to give up on the geometry puzzle that is an Osprey backpack - OK it is beautifully engineered, but would it have killed them to have but a couple of side baffles/pockets on it??

After a surprisingly mudane mock exam - never while at the medical school have I seen of group of people going into an exam with a more cool and collected attitude. There was a feel of "In the last 24hrs I have sat your dreaded ICE exam AND also been for a ride on the emotional rollercoast that is the collection of the result, so frankly, this is mock, bring it I'm good"

Ok maybe the general consensus was more along the lines of "Mock...huh...ok fair enough" but I'm sure there were a couple of students who had slightly more expansive monologues going through there heads.

But back to the packing - 3 HOURS later i had managed to compress, tease, beg and plead what seemed to be at least 100L of clothing and gear into a 68L backpack and frankly I was quite pleased to find that I was a pifling 100g over my luggage allowance. Frankly I would have thought it would have been a problem, and if it is, I'll just eat one of the plethora of chocolate bars I'll be travelling with - either that or one of my pairs of socks- they do have a fairly appetising chocolate/caramel look going on.

As for Mayhem, I believe that the issue of where or not he would need another pair of shoes came up, and whether an alternate pair would clash with the African decor of the Serenghetti. Perhaps that is stretching a point, but in a quest for reduced rate, I am sure that the Maasai will not mind if he was forced to leave his hair straighteners at home (for those of you keeping score at home you may have noticed a recurrent theme regarding Mayhem and his desire for excessive use of hair manipulation devices - just for the record, I think that anything beyond a brush is overdoing it, but then again I also think I have a parasitic organism on my head rather than hair - I'd probably have more control over it in that respect I think!

Well the hour grows late, and an all together unwelcome train journey awaits tomorrow before a 9.5 hr flight to Tanzania, so on that note I'll say good night

TTFN

Kaos

Actually I think you'll find it's Kaos who receives a gloved finger after i subtly comment on the stash of drugs he is carrying within his GI tract.

In all honesty i think we'll be too busy trying to convice BA to upgrade us to business (or at least "world traveller plus"). Kaos can use his Jedi mind tricks. Anyone who knows him is aware of his ability to ask for things in such a way that a shopkeeper will not only give him the product free, but probably throw in an extra free gift too! *Mocks* "look into my eyes, not around my eyes, into my eyes..."

Anyway, yes, Africa. Kaos is hell bent on turning up dressed like a colonial british ruler. i'm half expecting a photo of him in a beige linin suit (for the benefit of people like kaos who see in only 16 colours... that's yellow) and panama hat, holding a rifle, with his foot on the carcass of a recently shot lion....
I'm wondering if he'll get himself shot first.

Next stop Africa!

Well, Mayhem was correct, a refreshing event in itself, but we did it! Quite how I did it is completely beyond me, particularly in view of Mayhem's debrief - frankly his patients sounded vastly more preferable than my brush with extreme psychiatry.
But we are through, through to discuss the meaning of an elective report, fret slightly that we will shortly be moving over to the "SENIOR ROTATION" (please note block capitals to convey horror and general auora of apprehension), and generally sit in the departure lounge in 2 days time contemplating our navels (I hear you can loose hours to that pass time!)

So next stop Africa, well actually next stop is a 2hr mock at the medical school, but it is only a mock - if a time consuming one - so not really am event likely to produce much feather ruffling in either of us - now that we are hardened veterans of the ICE exam - but then Africa did I mention that?

i think the packing for this trip will highlight considerable differences between Mayhem and myself - namely his excess of shoes and hairstraighteners (oh dear) vs my walking boots, survival kit and colonial-esq panamar hat. Either way we will probably cut quite the pair at the check-in desk! (my money is on Mayhem getting the full body cavity search)

TTFN

Kaos

Time to celebrate!

So after all his "knowing" he'd cocked up the exams.... Kaos passed, as did I.
It's official, we're both one exam away from being doctors. There's a scary thought if i've ever heard one!

Finally it all feels real - 69 hours from now we'll be airborne.
And i still havent packed.

It's going to be hard though - new country, working in a run down 3rd world hospital, and for me extra hard spending 7 weeks away from the love of my life (my girlfriend not my bike before anyone says it!).

I'll cut this one short anyway- well done Kaos, you deserved it!

It came, it went, we returned back to revision

Yes dear readers/family members/curiously fascinated medical students/general hangers on, a Mayhem pointed out, there has been a slight dearth of communication from our odd and slightly egg shaped partnership of late, however what can I say, attempting to swallow Kumar and Clarke (not some bizarre sexual act, but surely the largest, and most scary of our medical texts) with sufficient time to spare before turning up to our exams is, challenging shall we say.

With that in mind, a half digested copy of Kumar and Clarke was ruminated over for the last time this afternoon, following which we steeled ourselves, pretended we were knowledgeable and capable – and walked straight into the laughing jaws of a psych patient.

For those of your playing the home game – we, or should I say I (Mayham has his exam tomorrow) has the first part of ICE this afternoon and frankly it didn't go *quite* as well as I had hoped. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth - not coming from my steel set jaw - the only noise emanating from my direction was a gentle seething as I re-confirmed my vow to have as little to do with people who like to talk to green and pink, man sized, flower arranging parrots called Terrance as possible!

Yes my first case in the exam was Psychiatry - specifically a bi-polar patient having a manic episode, and I was completely unable to control her, she was utterly off the wall, and developed what can only be described as an unhealthy fascination with interior decoration which resulted in the selection for the colour yellow for the medical waste bin.... anyway, as a result of being completely overwhelmed by a barrage of chatter from the patient, I simply was unable to think of the correct way to phrase my questions (that said the amount of time I spent around Mayhem you’d think I would have been able to cope!). Still my mind was steamrollered sufficiently that I bungled the exam sufficiently that my hopes of being able to get by without having to take the second part of the exam have been fruitless. My second case, a patient with an atrial fibrillation was much better - a terrific history, excellent patient rapport, a couple of mind numbingly stupid mistakes on my part during the physical examination, however I’m almost certain of overall a pass for that station

The upshot of this is that I will now have to take the second part of the exam - essentially if you have a brain like a Cray super computer and you complete your first two patients perfectly, or more likely you are lucky enough to simply get cases that you just "know", then the medical school gives you a waiver for the second part of the exam, and then the rest of us, normally ~ 30-40% of the year get to have another go at Patient Lucky Dip, but this time with three patients to unwrap rather than two - I'm desperately hoping that I won’t get another prize of a psych patient - either way time will tell come Thursday, but right now you’ll have to excuse me I need to clean some bile from the cover of my copy of Kumar and Clarke!